My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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