i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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