you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
