I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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