oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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