with your own penis?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
