At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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