guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize