Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
