Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
