go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
