Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
