I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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