when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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