sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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