i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
