if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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