i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
