1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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