Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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