Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
