you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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