quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize