my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
