just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
