Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
not ubering you a puppy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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