I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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