HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
