I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
