she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
