Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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