I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
