I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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