All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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