I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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