Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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