i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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