My nipple is on Facebook.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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