dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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