this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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