ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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