mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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