it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
