I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
