I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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