I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
