I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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