Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
