my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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