idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
