...so i touched it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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