my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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