I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
