Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
