I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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