the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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