Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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