We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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