He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
