so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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