the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
