i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want to be your penis for a week.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
