i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
