so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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