those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
