Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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