Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
