pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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