just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
