Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
